My niece brought a man to me a few weeks ago and introduced him to me as the man she wants to marry.
Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.
Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master’s degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.
However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.
So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house.
Other families living there include the man’s aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn’t press him on that.
Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June).
I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.
Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn’t want to listen.
My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation.
All this: “I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan” is not conclusive at all, and I don’t want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.
The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.
What Do You Think?
Which of you has experienced living in your husband’s family house? How was the experience?
For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.
Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.
It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.